Family Happenings · My Inspirations ♥

Sometimes there are just no answers

I’m sorry it’s been so long…my Dad passed away on May 17th, 2013.

Richard Francis Pollock- he was 90 years old.

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I am the baby of the family. So many people love to tease us “babies”- that we’re spoiled, got the most attention or got away with murder…

Here’s what I have to say to that- As a parent -by the time you figure out that it’s your last kid, you tend to try to hold onto every little last thing ( it’s just so cute)… and you tend to get the camera out a little more and you’re slightly tired from disciplining the prior kids -so. be.it   But the truth? The biggest sad fact about being the youngest is that you get the least amount of time with your parents (my mom was 38 and dad was 43 when I was born)  And if things aren’t great between the parents after all of the “raising the kids” years -you get the worst of their marriage. I cannot and will not speak on behalf of my siblings- I don’t want to hurt my dad’s character as well. But I can tell you it was probably the worst week for me after he died. It is so sad for me to say that I was disowned at 15- I answered a question of his wrong.  This way of life between him and I was still bad to the night before I was married at 23. Father Reiser pulled me aside and told me the most powerful words I have ever heard- “Forgiving someone does not mean what they did was right” It was a twist on how I could comprehend our situation. I am happy to say that my dad walked me down the aisle the next day- I kissed him before I joined Craig and I will never forget the feeling I experienced at that moment- it was a euphoric high and I was free. Craig never understood what was going on between my dad & I… he came from a huge family ( he’s #10 of 11 kids) and had the most incredible loving parents –  what I had was ugly and stupid and made no sense. Craig urged me to try to fix it. The long heartfelt letter I wrote to my dad was not enough- I received a letter 3 days later that broke my heart- nothing was resolved, he would not meet my kids.         Craig knew I tried.

It’s been 35 years now and I am guilty of not going to see him to try to make things right. I am so happy that he was cared for by my oldest sister Jackie- I am so grateful to her and her husband John for all the hard work these past few years as he fell into dementia. This is all so sad and inexcusable. There are just no answers. When I got the phone call that he was gone I sadly felt nothing. That’s just not right. I called my mom crying because I felt like such a bad person.  My daughter Allie just held me and her words of such young wisdom were right – I felt he’d been gone a long time ago. The next few days were filled with solid prayer and serious soul searching. I knew that by praying to the Holy Spirit that I would hopefully get some kind of answer so I could say good bye to him properly. I walked out into my kitchen Wednesday night and there it was in all its beauty- an absolutely incredible sunset and another twist of words whispered into my heart- that my dad was the one that was finally “free” – Free of a horrid spirit that tore a family apart – and with that I was free as well. I was so happy for him- my heart was given an answer that I had not ever figured out. I put together two of the most beautiful picture boards for his funeral– Craig was proud of me. Friday morning the 5 of us kids – all together for the first time since my wedding, along with our mom attended a beautiful send off. It’s so hard to have so many thoughts and emotions flood your head – good, bad and yes, ugly. Standing out at the grave site I stood alone- the sun was pouring down so warm and beautiful on my face- and I knew that I was ok ❤

I will never ever have the answers to why this was such a failed relationship.  I thank God for giving me him for my dad because I am here with traits that are inherently his. Through all the bad times I believe that I am a better person for it- I am strong, I love hard , I am funny & creative- I am an advocate for young kids and broken down houses.

Dad, I love you – I wish you would have met my kids… and me. Be free ❤

(and yes; I saw the two twigs in the sign of the cross on my chair Friday morning in the veranda- nice touch <3)

Love always, Teri

 

“In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may never know when you may not have that chance again”     (Thanks Cathie <3)

10 thoughts on “Sometimes there are just no answers

  1. This is so beautiful, Teri. I’m so sorry for your loss; of that father daughter relationship and of his passing. But, you’re right.. And Allie was right, you’re both free, and have been free. You’re amazing for not letting this control your life and for using this one not-so-good relationship to help you make so, so many AMAZING relationships – mostly with your own children. Thinking of you!

    1. Hannah- talk about well written- Thank you ❤ This was so hard to post but something I needed to do for me. Thank you for your kind words- I do love my kids inside & out and by Gods grace will continue to look forward in life –

  2. Very well said Teri, I am sure you don’t know this but I feel your exact feelings. I still say the happiest day of my life was when I heard my step Father died. I was not one to share the horrible things that happen, but we are the ones who grow from them and learn how NOT to be! Hugs to you and your freedom, it really is a gift. I love you and want you to know I am there for you! Hugs!

    1. Kath- I love you ❤ I'm sorry about your step father- wouldn't it be great if all relationships were awesome…. but I see who you are and what a truly beautiful soul you have- it is a gift and I know how much your kids love you- thank you for always being there for me- here's to making life a beautiful one !

  3. This has been a weird week. I never knew what I would feel when a man passed that I never knew… but more interesting a man that couldn’t have given me one day of my 25 years. I felt resentment and bitterness…. and I am not a bitter person. Nothing that I wanted to say was nice and that made me even more mad that it made me feel that way, I don’t want to have the slightest idea of being that person. I also have been in prayer asking for peace for myself, my family and especially for him. I have practiced my skills of submission (which need practicing) to focus on forgiveness, his peace and to look forward. I just keep thinking that he missed out on some great people, many good times and the family that my mom has created with my dad. Seeing this post and knowing that you have a feeling of freedom gives me peace. I am mad because of the pain that you have felt for years, but my gosh it has motivated you. My mom always said that she wanted to be a mom and the best mom that she could be. She wanted to make a family with an unbreakable bond and a trusting relationship that no matter what mistakes we would make in life they would be there. Not only has she impacted my siblings and I, but has opened our family to help, support, love and include several of our friends. She is a a role model for parents on raising children and a bit of an over-acheiver for the rest as shown by this blog 😉 Mom, you have set such a strong sense of family values in me and I am as much set up for success as failure due to you setting the bar so high… therefore I expect some help when I have babies some day! I love you so much, I wouldn’t trade anything for our relationship and I am so glad that it has filled that void for you for so many years… We knew the day that he would pass would come and it is time for moving on, forgiveness and focusing on the greatness of the family that fills your heart. Love you mom.

  4. Going to a funeral for man I didn’t know and standing with Russ and you all knowing that the majority of you did not have a good relationship with him was strange. I’m glad I was able to be there, and see that you all turned out pretty good. After hearing some of the things your dad enjoyed doing, I see those same things in Russ. But one trait he has that you dad did not is loving/forgiving his daughter – mistakes and all. I want you to know that even though Russ has pulled away from ‘his’ family because of his back injury, he is very welcomed and loved by my family.

    1. Mary-I’m so glad you were there and that Russ has had someone to love him along with his family. I hope that even tho it’s hard for him to travel that somehow you guys will be able to be with our family more. Life is so short- I love my brother and I hope that he will find peace now- I’m praying for his health as well Love always, Teri

  5. Teri and family, Our thoughts prayers are with you all! Thank you for posting Your incredible journey and the new peace and closure you have receive from our gracious Heavenly Father through Jesus and His Holy Spirit….I always tell him He’s the “Best Daddy”! I pray that when we go home that God in His infinite mercy, compassion, redeeming blood and forgiveness will grant to us all the chance to be with these loved afresh and have a renewed relationship for all eternity with them…Thank you for your courage to take it all to Him and let Him heal you and in turn heal your children by their prayers. This example from all of you is such an encouragement to me personally and it is also touching many others as well…let that be another part of your victory…that you are helping others to seek His healing touch and have peace. Love you all much, Connie
    IICor 1:2-6!

    1. Connie – thank you so much for this – so incredibly and beautifully written<3 It gives my soul strength – thank you for always looking over me I love you -t and llCor 1:2-6 was perfect ❤

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