I’m sorry it’s been so long…my Dad passed away on May 17th, 2013.
Richard Francis Pollock- he was 90 years old.
I am the baby of the family. So many people love to tease us “babies”- that we’re spoiled, got the most attention or got away with murder…
Here’s what I have to say to that- As a parent -by the time you figure out that it’s your last kid, you tend to try to hold onto every little last thing ( it’s just so cute)… and you tend to get the camera out a little more and you’re slightly tired from disciplining the prior kids -so. be.it But the truth? The biggest sad fact about being the youngest is that you get the least amount of time with your parents (my mom was 38 and dad was 43 when I was born) And if things aren’t great between the parents after all of the “raising the kids” years -you get the worst of their marriage. I cannot and will not speak on behalf of my siblings- I don’t want to hurt my dad’s character as well. But I can tell you it was probably the worst week for me after he died. It is so sad for me to say that I was disowned at 15- I answered a question of his wrong. This way of life between him and I was still bad to the night before I was married at 23. Father Reiser pulled me aside and told me the most powerful words I have ever heard- “Forgiving someone does not mean what they did was right” It was a twist on how I could comprehend our situation. I am happy to say that my dad walked me down the aisle the next day- I kissed him before I joined Craig and I will never forget the feeling I experienced at that moment- it was a euphoric high and I was free. Craig never understood what was going on between my dad & I… he came from a huge family ( he’s #10 of 11 kids) and had the most incredible loving parents – what I had was ugly and stupid and made no sense. Craig urged me to try to fix it. The long heartfelt letter I wrote to my dad was not enough- I received a letter 3 days later that broke my heart- nothing was resolved, he would not meet my kids. Craig knew I tried.
It’s been 35 years now and I am guilty of not going to see him to try to make things right. I am so happy that he was cared for by my oldest sister Jackie- I am so grateful to her and her husband John for all the hard work these past few years as he fell into dementia. This is all so sad and inexcusable. There are just no answers. When I got the phone call that he was gone I sadly felt nothing. That’s just not right. I called my mom crying because I felt like such a bad person. My daughter Allie just held me and her words of such young wisdom were right – I felt he’d been gone a long time ago. The next few days were filled with solid prayer and serious soul searching. I knew that by praying to the Holy Spirit that I would hopefully get some kind of answer so I could say good bye to him properly. I walked out into my kitchen Wednesday night and there it was in all its beauty- an absolutely incredible sunset and another twist of words whispered into my heart- that my dad was the one that was finally “free” – Free of a horrid spirit that tore a family apart – and with that I was free as well. I was so happy for him- my heart was given an answer that I had not ever figured out. I put together two of the most beautiful picture boards for his funeral– Craig was proud of me. Friday morning the 5 of us kids – all together for the first time since my wedding, along with our mom attended a beautiful send off. It’s so hard to have so many thoughts and emotions flood your head – good, bad and yes, ugly. Standing out at the grave site I stood alone- the sun was pouring down so warm and beautiful on my face- and I knew that I was ok <3
I will never ever have the answers to why this was such a failed relationship. I thank God for giving me him for my dad because I am here with traits that are inherently his. Through all the bad times I believe that I am a better person for it- I am strong, I love hard , I am funny & creative- I am an advocate for young kids and broken down houses.
Dad, I love you – I wish you would have met my kids… and me. Be free <3
(and yes; I saw the two twigs in the sign of the cross on my chair Friday morning in the veranda- nice touch <3)
Love always, Teri
“In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may never know when you may not have that chance again” (Thanks Cathie <3)
